Ok so a lot of people have a lot of opinions on this subject. And I figured as a former nice guy I’d throw in my two cents. Now be aware, I’m not defending the whole “nice guy” movement. I’m just shedding some light on it from my standpoint. For sake of ease I will refer to the Nice Guy as male the the intended target as female. Though I understand that the roles are not necessarily gender specific. Also understand that this is a general statement and can’t really be applied to everyone. Especially not the sex-starved douche-bags that masquerade as nice guys. Anyway, some of my opinions you will understand and agree with, and some of them you will not. Concordantly, I urge you to attempt to save the grievances until the end and thusly try to read through this with an open mind.
Let’s start off by explaining how a nice guy gets his start. Nice guys are, at their core, shy. Or at least they have it in their heads that going up to a lady and simply telling them that you’d like to explore a romantic relationship with them is too… rude. Or something. Either way they don’t do the simple thing. So instead of being forward and stuff they elect to somehow try and make YOU ask THEM out. And they do this by showing you how great of a catch they are. They pull out your chair, hold the door, listen to you when you are upset, pay for food, throw their coats over puddles and all that jazz. The woiks. Now, I know what some of you may be thinking. “But Doc, if they are only doing these things to try and get a date with us does that not make these actions fake? Does it not strip the good nature of these favours if they posses a modus operandi?” No. Because (spoiler warning) there is no such thing as a selfless deed. All good acts are done with the intention that we get something out of it. Even if it’s on a subconscious level. Does this mean that there is no such thing as a good deed? No. We just just need to stop burying ourselves beneath the notion that good things are done with selfless intentions. Because that’s not reality. Nice guys do these nice things because they care about you and have good positive feelings. The kind acts that they perform are an extension of that. It’s how they have chosen to express their affection for you. They are not just doing them because they are “a good friend” or whatever. Because let’s face it, none of us have a friend that would just do all this shit for us and expect NOTHING in return.
So the next part of this Nice Guy thought process and the negativity that surrounds it stems from the phrase “people are not just some kind of vending machine that you put kind deeds into and sex pops out”. That’s a nice sentiment. But in my opinion, yah you are. You trade your skills and abilities at your job for money. You trade the money for goods and services. People do nice things for you, you do nice things for them in return. It’s not polite but it’s the reality that I experience. When you do nice things for someone or make a friend it’s generally because they are a nice person and thusly would make for a favourable companion or they are useful to you somehow. I just don’t buy that people make friends “just because”. Ergo people are, in my opinion, vending machines that pop out favours, sexual or otherwise, vis-à-vis kind actions and admirable behaviour.
Irrevocably, we reciprocate.