Now, herein lies the primary source of the negativity that surrounds Nice Guys. Rejection. For example: Nice Guy A spends X amount of time trying to get Girl B to date him. She, through some means, chooses not too. Either because she chooses another guy, is simply not attracted to the Nice Guy, or she turns out to be a giant lizard. Whatever. The result is Nice Guy A gets upset. And people seem to think that this is somehow inappropriate.
But here’s the thing, when we put time, energy, effort or money into ANYTHING that does not result in the desired outcome we have a negative reaction. For example, a gamer gets mad when their save file gets erased by accident. This is a game that will in no way offer them any kind of applicable life skills, gain them any money, or achieve anything real. But they get mad because they spent time and effort trying to get to a point in the game. Now they have to start over. And no one likes that. It’s a natural reaction.
And I know… “But Doc, you are relating the sanctity of a relationship to something as mundane as a game or a contest.” How can I not? How is initiating a relationship with someone not a contest? How is succeeding in that not a victory? And vice-versa? The Nice Guy just spent a bunch of time and effort (and likely even money) trying to show this Girl that they are a worthy candidate for a romantic relationship. And for whatever reason it didn’t turn out. So naturally, just like everyone else, they look for someone to blame. Maybe the girl decided to date a jerk or something but ultimately the negativity stems from their failure.
And while we’re on the subject of “The Jerk” let me explain, from my opinion, how that label comes about. It’s a combination of The Jerk contributing directly to the failure of the Nice Guy and the lack of work The Jerk needed to do to succeed. Imagine that you just ran a whole marathon JUST to have some jackass ride up in a Mercedes, get out, and walk across the finish line taking home the gold. It’s infuriating. And how this happens is a perfectly good candidate waltzes up to The Girl and just asks her out. Confidence (and arrogance being a hairs berth away) is in general an attractive trait in a potential mate. So weather or not this guy is an ACTUAL jerk, The Nice Guy will still label him as such to help ease the pain.
And there ya have it. Again, this is just my opinion. But I hope it can help to shed some light on the situation. I don’t think nice guys are as bad as everyone makes them out to be. Misguided perhaps. But not out-and-out terrible.
Well… maybe this one. 😉