"Doctor Holocaust is a villainous gentleman who, above all else, is trying to take over the world."

The Power to Accidentally Destroy

So I was at Anime North last weekend. And despite some of the panels and planned content that I was attending falling apart at the seams in such a way that made things livable but not entirely awesome, the con was actually a lot of fun! Yes indeed the good times just kept rolling on out in the form of good people and fun parties. But this particular post on our website is not about that. No. In this post I would like to bring your attention to one particular incident that caught my eye.

 

A woman with unparalleled destructive power.

 

This woman (you know who you are) seemed to posses the ability to cause absolute chaos after a bit of substance abuse. And not in a “Oh so-and-so got drunk and they recked the place” kind of way. No no. It was so much more artistic and fascinating that I am seriously trying to find a way to weaponize it. Maybe air-drop her into a location I want to erase off the map armed with a bottle of tequila and a can-do attitude.

 

But I digress.

 

So this circus of madness began after the Saturday night rave came to a close. A friend and I had just come back to the entrance of the Radison hotel when we stopped to talk to some people who were out for a smoke. During the chat Eris (we’ll call her, as it is the name for the greek god of chaos) walks up with some friends. She has, at this point, obviously had a few drinks but still maintains the wherewithal to walk about and talk with her friends like regular folk. Her and her friends then join our conversation with the other smokers. Madness ensues.

 

See, Eris was smoking a cigarillo (See also: fancy thin cigar) and while attempting to speak to a friend she summarily forgets that she was also smoking and spits the cigarillo out on the ground. “Clumsy drunk” you may think. And I thought so too. For a moment. “Whatever, I have a pack of cigarettes” she boats, and proceeds to put one into her mouth backwards and break it in half. But she didn’t know that she had done this. She had to be MADE aware of her mild decent into chaos. She then ups the anti and puts TWO smokes in her mouth. Successfully lighting them I assume that maybe she just had a bit of a clumsy spell and it was all smooth sailing from here on out.

 

Absolutely not the case.

 

She hands one lit smoke off to one friend, covered in a confusing amount of saliva, and spits the other into the face of a second friend over a mildly amusing comment. Now people have begun to take injuries. At this point I don’t know if it was some kind of infernal determination that kept her going for MORE cigarettes, or maybe she just FORGOT that she had failed as many times as she did at the act of smoking in general, but she was NOT to be deterred. She then goes for her last cigarette and proceeds to bite the filter clean off with practically CELESTIAL accuracy. It is at this moment I that I remember having this hope, this fleeting dream, that perhaps this was the end of her chaos having run out of smokes.

 

I could not have known how wrong I was.

 

We all went up to their hotel room to keep the party going. That is when things got REAL. And things got real FAST.

With the combined effort of five of her friends she only managed to destroy MOST of the things in the hotel room. The rest of the building, and dare I say convention as a whole, was saved by those brave people. But her rapid decent into madness involved her destroying every drinking receptacle in the room, biting off the top of a wine bottle (because she already broke all the glasses but refused to stop drinking), head-butting a table with her face, and when asked to drink some water to take the edge off of the alcohol she opted instead to LICK FIRE.

I would have taken out my mobile to perhaps snap a picture or maybe get some footage of this insanity so I could have some form of proof, something to show that I’m not making all this madness up, but I was too concerned that she might eat my phone. And I feel like, looking back, that it was a sound concern.

 

I wish to god I was exaggerating.

 

So this person, this literal force of nature, practically made my weekend.

6 Comments

  • Ace of Blades
    Posted May 28, 2013 at 2:23 am | Permalink

    And I thought Australia was bad.

  • mercenarypen
    Posted May 28, 2013 at 11:11 am | Permalink

    I dislike laughing at the misfortune of others, but I cannot stop myself just yet.

    • Posted May 28, 2013 at 7:37 pm | Permalink

      You mean OUR misfortune right? You weren’t there! You didn’t see the danger!

      • mercenarypen
        Posted May 29, 2013 at 1:54 pm | Permalink

        I was considering the misfortune of all involved- her own primarily, but that of others as well.

  • Cat Munroe
    Posted May 29, 2013 at 5:50 am | Permalink

    Her name wasn’t Rachel, was it? Sounds like some of the good times Doctor Chaos and I used to have.

  • RockCityBoy
    Posted May 29, 2013 at 4:24 pm | Permalink

    I have to admit that I actually believe this just BECAUSE the story is so bad$#!7 insane!
    The stuff I have seen isn’t as bad, but close.
    Then again, I’m a German living in Denmark, so who knows how my drunken crazy compares to your drunken crazy.